My relationship with Loretta

August 29th, 2008 Gennaro Brooks-Church

This is me and Loretta. She’s focused on the goal. I’m focused, we’ll, on other things.

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Ant Eaters Just Don’t Care

August 23rd, 2008 Gennaro Brooks-Church

Did you know ant eaters make relatively good pets? Thats what I hear.
Not that I don’t think having pets is slavery. Why is it not ok to own another person but it is ok to own a dog? Oh, I forgot, humans are superior. Bullshit. And anyone who argues that dogs are part of the family never saw the bond that is made between a white child and its slave nurse maid.

I don’t know. It’s not like pets are disappearing any time soon so I’m raging against the wind. We only just got rid of slavery in the law books. In practice of course it is still big business. Did you know you can buy a child for about $300US in Haiti? Thats only a couple hours away from my home in Brooklyn.

And we’re not talking adoption by two loving parents. We’re talking do whatever you want to the child because you own it. Most of them end up being slaves to men: sex and house chores.

Anyway, ant eaters don’t give a shit what the superior race does.

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Friendster character voting tool

July 31st, 2008 Gennaro Brooks-Church

Frienster has this great gadget where you can vote on your friends. It is set up as a multiple choice questionaire where your friends are randomly picked and paired.
For example you are asked to pick:
Who is happier, John or Jason.
Who is prettier, Bill or Bob.
Who would you marry, Joe or Ted.
Who is funnier Lucy or Jane.

When I take the questionaire all my friends are randomly paired. When my friends take it I appear randomnly in their questionaire.

As enough of your friends do it the random pairings start to create a great picture of how the world perceives you. Because the results are pooled it is an anonymous process, nobody feels bad about their choices and they stay honest. It is really a very accurate mirror of how you come across to the world.

I rank consistently the same ever since I chose to allow myself to be in my friends’ questionnaires:

Out of all my friends I dominate the number one place in these traits:

smartest
cutest
most studious

And I am always at the bottom for these traits:

most fashionable
happiest

I’d have to say this is a pretty accurate description of me. I’m a cute nerd.

What is strange is that I look at the rankings of other people and they seem totally off. People who I think are total losers are scoring first in “Most likely to succeed” and total space cadets are scoring in “Most punctual”.

It is strange that for me the scoring seems off for others but right on for me….hmm….

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Being the perfect partner - puke

January 11th, 2008 Gennaro Brooks-Church

Note: it has been pointed out to me that my sense of humor is warped and offensive to some people. My appologies. If you are one of those people, you probably shouldn’t read on. The below list I actually do find very useful.

So here goes…

A friend of mine sent me this chain mail about how to be a perfect male partner. My original reaction was, “Man if it takes this much energy to keep her happy, break up.”

But that wouldn’t be a nice thing to say. So yes most of the things listed below are very good things to strive for.

Obviously it helps if you actually love her, then most of this stuff comes easily (sort of, well not really, but yes if you are horny). Except when you are watching a movie and she is talking on the phone to her pathetic friend who doesn’t like you anyway.

The advice below is great advice. But if you can actually adhere to it all the time please tell me because we can start a religion together with you as the next enlightened Buddha and me the treasurer.

So here goes guys, take out your note pad, most of this stuff you have never even thought of. Like me you probably thought you were doing great if you remembered to lift the toilet seat most of the time. But apparently not.

The writing below was probably written by a woman!

If I was a woman and had a boyfriend who did the below things, I’d be like, “Get a life, dude! You’re worse than a stalker!”

But hey, what do I know. I’m just a guy.

So… here goes:

When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stare’s at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit’s you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start’s cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she’s quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore’s you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pull’s away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she’s scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lay’s her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal’s your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease’s you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look’s at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she say’s that she like’s you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab’s at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]

When she bump’s into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell’s you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go

- When she says she’s ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she’ll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she’s important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
“Who’s ass am I kicking babe?”

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